No news is… no news

On Wednesday I got a darker line on the FRER. Since then I have tested one more time and again got a dark line. I could happily test daily but it would cost me a fortune and wouldn’t really achieve anything as I have an entire box of positive pregnancy tests which attest to the fact that a BFP doesn’t necessarily result in a baby. So I’m currently just trying to get from one day to the next without going insane.

I’ll be a whole five weeks tomorrow. It sounds so early. Some women don’t even know they’re pregnant until after now but I got a faint positive at 3w4d so I feel like I’ve known for ages already. If we manage to get to next weekend I’ll make an appointment with the consultant for an early scan. I really want to know how things are progressing but I’d like to avoid an inconclusive scan if possible so Im thinking a scan at around 7 weeks (which currently feels like a lifetime away) would probably be a good time to aim for.

The biggest problem I’m finding at the moment is that I’m constantly trying to reassure myself by symptom spotting when nothing I feel could ever be reassuring. I’ve been pregnant four times before and I’ve experienced a whole textbook of pregnancy symptoms. The most ‘pregnant’ I’ve ever felt was at Christmas when there wasn’t even a proper embryo, just a blighted ovum and molar pregnancy sending by hCG skyrocketing, so there is nothing I can do to alleviate my fears. All I can do is remind myself that a positive test is the first step and that even after four losses, the statistics are on our side.

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10 thoughts on “No news is… no news

  1. It’s so so hard to be optimistic under the circumstances, the best i could muster was to tell myself it’s at least POSSIBLE that it could work out. I’m very hopeful for you and will be thinking of you!

  2. I’ve been down that road too. I was terrified at our 5w6d scan but doc reassured he saw a heartbeat and all was ok. I still panic before each scan which are so much farther apart and they don’t always want to do a u/s. I’m 17w2d now and I still check for blood every time I go to the bathroom. I wish I could say it gets easier but you will start to relax little by little. Try your best to enjoy your moment, momma.

  3. I’ve been keeping up since the BFP and hoping this is it for you!!! Pregnancy after a loss is so hard. One thing that helped me was when I finally stopped thinking of everything that could go wrong and started thinking “what if nothing is wrong”. I know it’s so hard but I’m hoping you can get to a point when you can think about all that can go right without the fear that comes with pregnancy after a loss. Thinking of you!!!

  4. I just discovered your blog and feel such a kinship with you already. I’m in much the same position and am exactly 5 weeks today. Pregnancy count = 4. Babies = 0. I totally understand the impulse to test every day as there are so few reasons to feel reassured when our experience with pregnancy is loss and heartbreak. I’ll be thinking of you and hoping, wishing for good news to come.

  5. Really hope everything goes well for you this time hun. I have my fingers crossed for the 7 week scan. I hope all is well and it helps you feel more relaxed!! I know how you feel about over analyzing symptoms. With my last pg I was throwing up the morning of my doomed scan. I thought everything was ok because I still had v. strong symptoms but the HB had stopped! I guess nothing can be predicted. Try to keep distracted as much as you can and hopefully time will pass quickly! I will be 5 wks on thursday so I know exactly how you feel..everything is going by soooo slowly xx

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