After learning of each of my missed miscarriages I returned to work the next day and I was back at work less that 24 hours after my last ERPC. I wasn’t trying to be strong or to ignore what had happened, I just didn’t know what else to do. Miscarriages are spontaneous events which happen without warning so there is no time to prepare, to write handover notes for colleagues or to finish off the urgent work on your to-do list. Both times I considered taking some time off but I felt like it would just make me feel worse to be sitting at home thinking about what had happened, worrying about whether I will ever have a successful pregnancy and knowing that while I was doing that the mountain of work my desk in the office was quickly growing.
Sadly my fear of not being able to leave my workload with others was proved right after my secretary failed to even monitor my email account while I had one day off for the ERPC operation (made more disappointing as I had expressly asked her to check and she knew the reason I was out of the office).
Unfortunately it seems that I am now paying the price for not giving myself time to recover physically and heal mentally as I have been experiencing strong anxiety symptoms (something I’ve never suffered from before) which are making working now even harder than those first few days post miscarriage. I’m suffering from regular dizzy spells, tight chest and clammy hands and my concentration is non existent I constantly find myself worrying about future pregnancies or whether my mum or the boy’s nan (both of whom are undergoing cancer treatment) will be alive to see us have a baby. After trying to self manage the symptoms for the last few weeks, I’ve now made an appointment to see my GP next week to hopefully get myself sorted. I was just wondering whether anyone else felt like they were coping ok only for their body to let them know that they might not be doing as well as they had thought?