What’s the plan? That is a question I ask all the time. What’s the plan for the day? What’s the plan for this weekend? For this project? For dinner? There always has to be a plan, it makes me happy to know what I’m supposed to be doing. I have short term plans (what am I doing at work today?) and long term plans (where do I want to be in 5 years time?). If you’re a planner then miscarriage is a b**ch!
It’s been 7 weeks since my last miscarriage and I find that I can go for many hours without thinking about it. It no longer overwhelms me or takes over my day but whenever it comes to planning anything more than a few days away it’s back reminding me that nothing is certain or within my control.
My sister got engaged at the weekend (eek I’m so excited for her!) and she has asked me to be a bridesmaid which I am thrilled about. The problem is they are getting married next August and I have no idea what will be happening then. Will I be pregnant? Will we have a baby? Will we have had more miscarriages? Ive not said this to her (or anyone except you guys) as I know that in reality it really won’t matter. Unless I’m actually in labour I’m going to be at the wedding so why think about the circumstances? But I’m a planner and I don’t like being so out of control.
It’s not just long term things like important family weddings. My husband asked me at the weekend what we are doing for Christmas this year? Answer, I don’t know it depends when happens with our TTC journey over the next few months. Even planning this weekend is dependant on AF. She’s due tomorrow and we’re supposed to be going to a party but I know that if she arrives im going to feel sad and probably won’t feel like partying. Equally if she doesn’t arrive I won’t be drinking and will have to face the questioning looks when I order a soft drink.
So I’ve found that rather than having one plan I’ll now have two, three sometimes even more. A plan for every eventuality!