What’s the plan?

What’s the plan? That is a question I ask all the time. What’s the plan for the day? What’s the plan for this weekend? For this project? For dinner? There always has to be a plan, it makes me happy to know what I’m supposed to be doing. I have short term plans (what am I doing at work today?) and long term plans (where do I want to be in 5 years time?). If you’re a planner then miscarriage is a b**ch!

It’s been 7 weeks since my last miscarriage and I find that I can go for many hours without thinking about it. It no longer overwhelms me or takes over my day but whenever it comes to planning anything more than a few days away it’s back reminding me that nothing is certain or within my control.

My sister got engaged at the weekend (eek I’m so excited for her!) and she has asked me to be a bridesmaid which I am thrilled about. The problem is they are getting married next August and I have no idea what will be happening then. Will I be pregnant? Will we have a baby? Will we have had more miscarriages? Ive not said this to her (or anyone except you guys) as I know that in reality it really won’t matter. Unless I’m actually in labour I’m going to be at the wedding so why think about the circumstances? But I’m a planner and I don’t like being so out of control.

It’s not just long term things like important family weddings. My husband asked me at the weekend what we are doing for Christmas this year? Answer, I don’t know it depends when happens with our TTC journey over the next few months. Even planning this weekend is dependant on AF. She’s due tomorrow and we’re supposed to be going to a party but I know that if she arrives im going to feel sad and probably won’t feel like partying. Equally if she doesn’t arrive I won’t be drinking and will have to face the questioning looks when I order a soft drink.

So I’ve found that rather than having one plan I’ll now have two, three sometimes even more. A plan for every eventuality!

6 thoughts on “What’s the plan?

  1. Oh my goodness, I am a planner too, especially my husband. The other day he asked me what my plan was for the day. I kind of flipped out. I said, “I’m not telling you my plan for today, because then there will be no expectations of what I think I’ll accomplish.” Although, I know it’s impossible to not plan anything, I was stubborn for the day. Feeling like I failed at my plan for life, when I plan everything, is a bitch. 😦 Everything is on hold from one RE appointment to another.. I totally get that not knowing where you will be in a few months, in a year, or in the next 5 is frustrating because you don’t know when this is going to end. 😦

  2. I’m completely the same. I have to be reminded what the plan is. The planner in me hates this shit. Same questions: what are our Xmas plans? Summer? Should we do that extension now or do we need the money just in case for more freaking tests? Is there any point in another bedroom if I keep miscarrying? On and on it goes. The only answer as you say is multiple plans! It’s freaking exhausting! X

  3. This is definitely me too. Is this a pattern :)? I can’t count the number of plans I’ve made or adjusted based on ‘surely I’ll be pregnant by then’, only to be disappointed when the time comes around and I’m not. Last summer I was in a wedding and ordered my dress a couple sizes big just in case, and of course ended up with a way too big dress to take in. I just found out I’m in two weddings next summer, and if I’m pregnant this month and it works I’d be due within days of the first wedding. If I get pregnant next month I’d be due within days of the second wedding. My plan now is to assume I won’t ever be pregnant enough for it to matter :(.

  4. Oh wow, the planning! Should we move to Dallas now, or stay in Chicago? Buy a house or keep our condo? None of these plans can be made until I have some answer as to whether I’m going to keep miscarrying, have a successful pregnancy, use a surrogate or adopt. My entire life is on hold and it’s making me crazy!

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