So this is really happening

The last couple of days have felt quite surreal in terms of the disconnect between different areas of my life. Work is currently insanely busy. I’m working on a big project which is soon to be finalised and I’m also being asked to pick up a lot of smaller (but urgent) matters. It’s quite exciting but ridiculously tiring with early starts, late finishes and weekend working.

Outside of work I’m trying to be a fun loving wife for my husband and not talk endlessly about work. As I’ve written about before, he is at a bit of a crossroads in terms of work and is not feeling challenged or fulfilled by his current job so I’m keen not to make too much of an issue of my work situation as I’m sure he’d swap given the choice.

I’m also trying (although sometimes failing) to keep in contact with friends, to help my sister with planning her wedding and to support my mum with her cancer treatment. Im trying hard not to let other things in my current day to day life distance me from what’s happening in their lives. Ultimately they are whats important to me in the long term.

And alongside both of these things I feel like I’m now becoming someone who is struggling with pregnancy loss/fertility issues. I know this might sound strange as this has been going on for a little while but despite blogging for months I’ve generally felt like a bit of an outsider to the whole RPL/IF community. But over the last few days the boy and I have been having some challenging conversations trying to work out how we are actually going to fit in having sex around our work and social commitments (I never thought I would be diarising sex!). Also, yesterday I took an hour out of my working afternoon to have an internal scan of my uterus to check for retained products. Thankfully it was clear but on my drive back to the office it hit me that whilst it felt like a perfectly normal thing to be doing (I’ve had a fair few internal scans now ) it wasn’t exactly the type of thing which the average person did on their lunch break!

Then today whilst at an important day long client meeting I had to excuse myself to wee on an OPK. Again probably not that typical unless you having been trying to conceive for a while.

I think these things have made me realise that this really is happening. I don’t feel badly about it particularly I just didn’t expect to get to this situation. I can’t help thinking that in each element of my life the people involved would shocked if they knew about what was going on in the other parts but I think that compartmentalising everything helps me to keep each part under control. And more importantly each one puts the others into perspective!

2 thoughts on “So this is really happening

  1. It is such a surreal existence, this whole TTC/IF thing. It’s a whole sub-culture you are thrust in without a choice. Those things are all normal to us. But it sounds like you are juggling all of these things gracefully. It’s all we can hope for (sorry about your mom’s treatment! That must be so hard on top of everything else! You are a busy person!)

  2. I couldn’t have said it better than Kate. It does sound like you have to be such a support system to your sister and your mom. They are lucky to have you. It is strange how we just kind of do what we have to do and go through the motions, not by choice either. I often think about how people would just be shocked if they knew.

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