I want to know, but only if it’s good news

I’m finding it difficult to cling to any consistent feeling. One minute I think this pregnancy is going well, the next I’m sure it’s all over. We’ve got a scan booked for tomorrow evening so, unless it’s inconclusive, by the time I go to bed tomorrow night I’ll know one way or the other. The problem is, as much as I want to know, I think I only want to know if it’s good news. As much as I worry, I enjoy being pregnant and I’m not ready for it to be over. I’m not thinking very much about having a baby this time, I’m trying to take each day one step at a time. But whilst I’m pregnant there is hope and I don’t want to give that up yet. I know that it will come back again with time but I’m scared of the sadness that will come if tomorrow’s scan is bad news. Currently life in our house is happy (apprehensive, but happy) and yet I know that tomorrow that could all change and the crushing sadness, tears and fear about the future will be back. I’m not ready for that yet and certainly don’t want to let those feeling in any sooner than I have to. So I’m going to try and ignore the nagging doubt in my tummy and embrace the hope while it’s still there.

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7 thoughts on “I want to know, but only if it’s good news

  1. I’m in the same situation as you, and it’s so incredibly difficult. On my fourth pregnancy currently, had some bleeding yesterday, and now have to play the waiting game. Trying so hard to think positively. Wishing you all the best ❤

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