1 in 100 – Not so average

I’ve always been pretty average. Normal. Good, but not outstanding. When I’ve said this about myself people have told me off for putting myself down, telling me that I’m far better than average. But they don’t understand, I don’t say I’m average to be self deprecating, I honestly think that being average is a good thing. For example, I’m not unattractive but I’ve never worried that a man only likes me for my looks. I’m clever but I didn’t end up rebellious at school because the education system wasn’t challenging enough for my vast intellect. I wear average sized clothes and shoes, which makes shopping easy as the stores always stock plenty. I’m lucky enough to be paid more than the national average but my pay is average for my role. I make friends easily as being fairly average I can relate to a lot of people and no one finds me intimidating. From my perspective average is pretty good.

One area of my life were I wish I could be average is reproduction, but unfortunately we found out yesterday that we are far from average. We first got pregnant this time last year. That pregnancy ended in miscarriage in March. Our second pregnancy lasted from May to July again ending in miscarriage. We honestly believed that we would be third time lucky. Statistically the chance of having three miscarriages with no live births was really low. But last night we went for an early scan at 7 weeks and as soon as I saw the sac on the screen I knew that our dream wasn’t to be. The sac was empty! Stunned I questioned how this was possible. I’d had four strong pregnancy tests in recent weeks. I had early pregnancy symptoms and I’d had no bleeding or spotting at all. How could I seem so pregnant without there even being a visible embryo?? The sonographer was lovely but very matter of fact. It is the sac and placenta which produce the pregnancy hormone not the baby, it’s perfectly possible to seem pregnant without a viable embryo. Now we just wait to see if I will miscarry naturally. Based on the last two, this seems unlikely so we will probably be facing a medical or surgical management in a few weeks time. Just in time for Christmas – joy!

So we have had the dreaded hat-trick and officially joined the recurrent miscarriage club. It’s an elite group that nobody wants to be part of. But there are no average people here. To gain entry you have to be truly special. This is not a tenth percentile group. Everyone here is 1 in 100! My mum always said that everyone is special in their own way. I just wish that my talent had been something good like baton twirling or oragami. Why does my unusual trait have to be being reproductively flawed??

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13 thoughts on “1 in 100 – Not so average

  1. Oh this post is so true for me as well. I’ve always been average. Always. I’m so sport you’re now part of this club. I really wish there was no room for anyone else. I also wish this wasn’t the place I’m not average. I’m so sorry your going through this again, especially during the holidays. Hugs friend.

  2. My last pregnancy ended with a blighted ovum. From what my doctor said, a blighted ovum is different than the other miscarriages — typically it only occurs one time. We got to our 10 week ultrasound before we knew about it and he said that was typical. My hcg levels were high and symptoms were strong. He said that’s because the body thinks the baby is growing fine when in fact it is just the sac growing, not the baby. Don’t be surprised if it takes a little bit longer to miscarry because the body still thinks somethings going on. I think I waited almost two weeks before the bleeding started with my blighted ovum. There’s no reason why they should pressure you into doing something surgical immediately.

  3. Oh, I am so sorry! Miscarriages are just bad all around, but when your body is playing tricks on you, it just makes everything more pronounced! I hope you pass naturally…I did the meds and I def. was not a fan. The D&C was kinder, but I am hoping that you need neither.

    We are right there with you in this ‘special’ club, lol. None by choice. Hugs, girl.

    • Thank you for the advice. I’m really hoping I’ll be able to miscarry on my own this time but with the last two I waited weeks and nothing happened so I’m not holding my breath!

  4. I have had the same conversation with myself many times. Did I really have to be in the 1% recurrent miscarriage group? I couldn’t be in the 1% wealth group? Or good looks? Or psychic abilities? *sigh* I won’t say welcome because none of us want to be here but I will say that despite it seeming like such an elite group, you are definitely not alone.

    • Ooo psychic abilities that would be great then I could know if someone was just about to say something supportive like “at least you can get pregnant” or “you’re so lucky not to have children” and I would know to walk away before they could get the words out!

  5. I’m truly sorry and surprised…I always feel like everyone will get pregnant and have a successful pregnancy except for me, which is totally demented given that I blog in a RPL community. I hadn’t followed you before because by the time I discovered your blog you were already pregnant and I thought “nope, she’ll be leaving us behind”. But I apologize for my short-sightedness, and I am following you now, and I will continue to support and cheer for you until your rainbow is in your arms. XO

    • I’m not pleased that I surprised you as I’d definitely hoped to be the one who got away with just being twice unlucky but I’m glad I’ve managed to find such a lovely supportive and knowledgable group of people to help me get through this and stay sane x

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