I’ve always been pretty average. Normal. Good, but not outstanding. When I’ve said this about myself people have told me off for putting myself down, telling me that I’m far better than average. But they don’t understand, I don’t say I’m average to be self deprecating, I honestly think that being average is a good thing. For example, I’m not unattractive but I’ve never worried that a man only likes me for my looks. I’m clever but I didn’t end up rebellious at school because the education system wasn’t challenging enough for my vast intellect. I wear average sized clothes and shoes, which makes shopping easy as the stores always stock plenty. I’m lucky enough to be paid more than the national average but my pay is average for my role. I make friends easily as being fairly average I can relate to a lot of people and no one finds me intimidating. From my perspective average is pretty good.
One area of my life were I wish I could be average is reproduction, but unfortunately we found out yesterday that we are far from average. We first got pregnant this time last year. That pregnancy ended in miscarriage in March. Our second pregnancy lasted from May to July again ending in miscarriage. We honestly believed that we would be third time lucky. Statistically the chance of having three miscarriages with no live births was really low. But last night we went for an early scan at 7 weeks and as soon as I saw the sac on the screen I knew that our dream wasn’t to be. The sac was empty! Stunned I questioned how this was possible. I’d had four strong pregnancy tests in recent weeks. I had early pregnancy symptoms and I’d had no bleeding or spotting at all. How could I seem so pregnant without there even being a visible embryo?? The sonographer was lovely but very matter of fact. It is the sac and placenta which produce the pregnancy hormone not the baby, it’s perfectly possible to seem pregnant without a viable embryo. Now we just wait to see if I will miscarry naturally. Based on the last two, this seems unlikely so we will probably be facing a medical or surgical management in a few weeks time. Just in time for Christmas – joy!
So we have had the dreaded hat-trick and officially joined the recurrent miscarriage club. It’s an elite group that nobody wants to be part of. But there are no average people here. To gain entry you have to be truly special. This is not a tenth percentile group. Everyone here is 1 in 100! My mum always said that everyone is special in their own way. I just wish that my talent had been something good like baton twirling or oragami. Why does my unusual trait have to be being reproductively flawed??