It’s been 5 days since we found out that we are suffering from our third miscarriage and I’m waiting (feeling slightly fearful) for the full weight of the sadness to arrive. Currently I just feel numb. I’ve been at work everyday and went out with friends over the weekend. I even spent time with a friend and her four week old baby. I’m ridiculously tired and feel a bit spaced out but so far the crushing sadness which I felt after the last losses has yet to arrive and I’m dreading it.
I’m not sure if it’s because I haven’t actually miscarried yet (not even any spotting) or if the combination of this year’s bad news (husband’s unemployment, family cancer x2, work stresses, family Alzheimer’s etc) have left me unable to let in any other negative feelings, but I have hardly even cried yet.
I’m really hoping that I will start miscarrying soon and the sadness will come (and go) as I always find new year a bit depressing anyway (bad weather, no sunshine and Christmas anti-climax) and I don’t fancy all of my emotions culminating into a big January mess!