Waiting for the sadness

It’s been 5 days since we found out that we are suffering from our third miscarriage and I’m waiting (feeling slightly fearful) for the full weight of the sadness to arrive. Currently I just feel numb. I’ve been at work everyday and went out with friends over the weekend. I even spent time with a friend and her four week old baby. I’m ridiculously tired and feel a bit spaced out but so far the crushing sadness which I felt after the last losses has yet to arrive and I’m dreading it.

I’m not sure if it’s because I haven’t actually miscarried yet (not even any spotting) or if the combination of this year’s bad news (husband’s unemployment, family cancer x2, work stresses, family Alzheimer’s etc) have left me unable to let in any other negative feelings, but I have hardly even cried yet.

I’m really hoping that I will start miscarrying soon and the sadness will come (and go) as I always find new year a bit depressing anyway (bad weather, no sunshine and Christmas anti-climax) and I don’t fancy all of my emotions culminating into a big January mess!

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10 thoughts on “Waiting for the sadness

  1. this is exactly how I’ve been too. I keep expecting that any minute now it’s going to hit me, but I still just feel numb. I can tell it’s in there somewhere though, and I’m sure it’s going to hit at the worst possible time.

    • It’s a very strange feeling to know that the storm is coming but bit to know when it will hit. I’m battening down the hatches and hoping it will pass quickly. I hope your’s does too x

  2. Oh honey, where have I been to miss your posts! I feel terrible to have only just learned of this now. I am so sorry, I’m completely devastated for you, this is truly breaking my heart. I am sending you every ounce of love and support possible, here for you. Be how you need to feel right now, it might come in waves and if it does just go with it. Lean on us, we are here for you. Please let me know if I can do anything at all, ever. Sending love xxx

    • Thanks lovely, don’t feel like you need to be checking for blog posts from us lot all the time, you have you’re own stuff going on and I know that you’re there supporting me (as I am you). It sucks to know that we ‘officially’ have a problem now that we’ve reached three in a row but I’m still hopefully that our (and your) baby will come. Thank you for the support xxx

      • I truly believe it will happen for you hun. If there’s anything I can do, please tell me. I know it’s scary starting this process of next steps. Thinking of you xxx

  3. Oh hon, I’m so sorry. I know the feelings of numbness, sadness, indifference at times…it does come in waves, at unexpected times. Def. take the freedom to just feel how you feel at any moment. I found work a refuge b/c I DIDN’T have to think about it…I knew how sad I would be when I did. But, thankfully, there are moments of joy on the other side. Hugs, girl. We are here for you. XO

  4. Hi, I followed your blog over from a couple of blogs that I read. I am so sorry to visit and find out that you are suffering from a loss. I don’t know you, but my heart goes out to you. I’ve suffered one miscarriage and the pain of that loss was so hard to handle – I can’t imagine doing it again and again. My thoughts and prayers are with you. XO

    Mel @ thereisahigherhope.blogspot.com

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