A lovely Christmas Day was had. We were at my parents’ for the day and we ate, drank and were merry. There was no talk of miscarriage or babies. We had a lovely lunch, received some great presents and laughed (a lot) while playing silly bored games. I actually managed to feel normal for the whole day and forgot that my week began and is going to end with more miscarriage related hospital appointments.
Boxing Day arrived and the festive feelings continued. We were back to our house and preparing lunch for the boy’s family when it happened. The message which brought us back to earth with a bump (literally). Another of our close friends is pregnant!! This means that out of all of our married friends only one other couple is childless and, as far as we are aware, they aren’t trying. I’m trying really hard to be happy for the latest announcers but the more this happens the harder it is getting. Each one is like a slap in the face. Come the summer (when our third would have been due) we will be the only couple at the annual BBQ gathering not to have children.
I feel quite sorry for the boy. Whilst I’m sure his friend didn’t mean to be insensitive, the message didn’t arrive in a thoughtful (I just wanted to let you know quietly as I thought this would be hard for you) way. It came as a group Whats App message on Boxing Day morning (Merry Christmas indeed, why not send us a card from your growing embryo?!). This means that the boy has had to endure being copied in on messages of congratulations throughout the day. This is particularly painful as we should almost be at 12 weeks now but instead we’re in the process of going through our third loss. When one friend complimented the father to be on his virility, I told the boy that he should say that once could be just a fluke and that he’d got me pregnant three times in one year but he’s far too polite for that. I just wish for his sake that he didn’t have to go though the whole macho back-slapping thing every time another pregnancy is announced. Personally I think it’s far more macho to stand by your wife through infertility and miscarriage but obviously the only back-slapping he gets for that is from me and I don’t think it counts!
So there we are. Back to earth with a bump. I’m still hoping that we’ll get some more festive feelings over the next few days but at the moment my mind is stuck on a loop of “it’s not fair. This shouldn’t be happening”.
One good thing to have come out of this Christmas break is that thanks to some very generous family members the boy and I have enough money to take a spa break in the new year and I for one cannot wait for some proper me time and a bit of pampering!