Just pissed off – that is all

I don’t know why (well I probably do as AF is due today and she usually makes me grumpy) but today I’m just feeling pissed off. Nothing has happened to create this mood, in fact I’ve been having a perfectly fine weekend but this morning I’m just in a grump!

The main thing which is annoying me is the waiting. More and more waiting with nothing productive to do to help to get the pregnancy we so badly want. I know it’s not really a long time and that there are people who’ve been going through years of IVF treatment etc and I should be grateful that we seen to be able to fall pregnant relatively easily blah blah blah. But today I’m not feeling glass half full. I’m annoyed and indulging in a bit of self pity.

With hindsight I can’t believe we waited before trying to conceive. I’d always had regular non-painful periods, I’ve got child bearing hips and I’m the right weight for my height. I just naively assumed that we’d have no trouble starting a family so we waited until everything was just right. Then it took us four months to conceive (I know it’s not long) which seemed like the perfect timing. I even congratulated myself making a September baby as it would get it a great head start academically. But we didn’t have a September baby, instead we had a miscarriage and then two more. Each of them ‘missed’ and each requiring a D&C despite weeks of waiting for the pregnancy to pass and even on the last occasion attempting a medical management to avoid further surgery. And now to reward us for our planning and dutiful waiting until we were in a strong place emotionally and financially, we have a molar pregnancy to add into the mix. This brings with it a six month wait to try and conceive and up to a 15% chance of further complications (including cancer treatment) as a result of the molar pregnancy. Thanks universe you definitely know how to kick a girl when she’s down!

The results are finally in!

I finally had the follow up meeting with the consultant yesterday although once again I didn’t actually see the consultant, I saw her junior registrar instead but he was way more competent than the last one!

So it transpires that I did have a molar pregnancy in December. Thankfully it seems to have gone now as my betas fell during January and the pregnancy test they made do yesterday was finally negative (it’s strange doing pregnancy tests hoping for a negative). Now I’m waiting for a referral to Charing Cross for ongoing monitoring. I’m hoping I won’t have to wait too long. I phoned Charing Cross and they said they send out monitoring kits within 24 hours of receiving a referral so it depends on how long it takes Maidstone to make the referral.

Receiving the diagnosis from the doctor was pretty scary as he immediately started talking about worst case scenarios; PGTD, cancer, chemotherapy etc. But thankfully I’d already fully consulted Dr Google in advance so I knew how unlikely it was that I would end up in that situation.

To be honest, at the moment my only real concern is how long this will delay our efforts to conceive again. The doctor said I’d need to wait six months before trying again but I’m hoping Charing Cross hospital will say that we can start trying again sooner than that.

So there’s nothing much to be done at the moment but I am going to use this waiting time to organise a referral to the recurrent miscarriage clinic. I’ve got an appointment with my GP for Tuesday morning to hopefully get that ball rolling. I’m disappointed that this means we’ll definitely not be having a baby in 2014 but I’m trying not to dwell on it. Waiting seems to be the main feature of our TTC journey so far!

Nothing to write so I gladly accept this award!

liebster-award1

I’ve just returned from a lovely cottage break with the boy and the pups but as it was wonderfully uneventful, I have nothing of interest to write as all TTC efforts are still on hold until the meeting with the consultant this coming Wednesday. So I thought I would take the opportunity to share a few more details about myself with all of you lovely bloggers and what better way than by belatedly accepting the Liebster Award. Thanks to all of the lovely ladies who nominated me and in particular to Mrs MLACS who went to the herculean effort of adding links to her entire blog roll!

So here are my answers to MLACS’s questions (which in turn are Alexis at My Silver Lining‘s questions):

1. What’s your middle name? Elizabeth, after Queen Elizabeth. My sister’s middle name is Victoria as my mum thought it would giveI’m not sure it worked.

2. When did you get married? 19th May 2012. It was a fantastic day and everything we could have wanted. Neither of us are particularly religious so we got married in a local manor house (which is now used as a school). Being unduly concerned about our guests getting bored, we didn’t get married until 4pm which meant that we both had lovely long mornings getting ready with our friends and family and went it came to the ceremony I couldn’t have been more excited. The rest of the day flew by in a haze of food, champagne and giggles. I can happily say I wouldn’t have changed a thing!

Save the date

Yes, we dressed our dogs up to make our Save the Date cards. Doesn’t everyone do that??

wedding for blog 3

The venue for the ‘big day’

wedding for blog 2

My beautiful bouquet

wedding for blog 1

Yes, this is me. Not quite ‘coming out’ but getting there.

3. Favourite event at the Winter Olympics? This is a hard one as I am really enjoying watching the Winter Olympics coverage at the moment. I think I like the artistic sports the best: freestyle skiing and snowboarding, half pipe and figure skating. Whilst I enjoy watching these sports I am definitely not going to be taking part. I’ve never skied in my life, my ice skating is decidedly amateur and my one attempt at snowboarded consisted of much falling and some seriously girly giggling due to my ridiculous crush and the snowboard instructor, Leon, I still blush now just thinking about him!

4. Best thing about summer? Long summer evening walks with the dogs and camping weekends with the boy. And of course, not being cold. I hate being cold!

5. Favourite TV series? Just one? But there are so many! Reality shows it would be either Location, Location, Location, a UK property finding show or Don’t Tell The Bride. Drama series, Grey’s Anatomy or The West Wing (I’m so sad it’s over).

6. Favourite music artist from the 70’s? Stevie Wonder or anything Motown.

7. Favourite movie from the 90’s? Pretty Woman. I could watch it over and over again!

8. Why do you blog? Because I need somewhere to get my thoughts out of my head so that I don’t go insane (or end up divorced) and because I have discovered a fabulous blogging community who give me strength when I don’t know where to turn and who help me feel less alone in a world of pregnant women and babies!

I’m going to copy MLACS’s idea and nominate my entire blogroll but because she’s a better woman than me I’m afraid I’m not going to list them, you know who you are and if you’re reading this then consider yourself nominated. If you want to play along, post the award logo onto your blog and answer the questions set out above, or any other questions you feel like answering. I look forward to finding out more about you and hope you enjoyed this little insight into the world of GK.