I don’t know why (well I probably do as AF is due today and she usually makes me grumpy) but today I’m just feeling pissed off. Nothing has happened to create this mood, in fact I’ve been having a perfectly fine weekend but this morning I’m just in a grump!
The main thing which is annoying me is the waiting. More and more waiting with nothing productive to do to help to get the pregnancy we so badly want. I know it’s not really a long time and that there are people who’ve been going through years of IVF treatment etc and I should be grateful that we seen to be able to fall pregnant relatively easily blah blah blah. But today I’m not feeling glass half full. I’m annoyed and indulging in a bit of self pity.
With hindsight I can’t believe we waited before trying to conceive. I’d always had regular non-painful periods, I’ve got child bearing hips and I’m the right weight for my height. I just naively assumed that we’d have no trouble starting a family so we waited until everything was just right. Then it took us four months to conceive (I know it’s not long) which seemed like the perfect timing. I even congratulated myself making a September baby as it would get it a great head start academically. But we didn’t have a September baby, instead we had a miscarriage and then two more. Each of them ‘missed’ and each requiring a D&C despite weeks of waiting for the pregnancy to pass and even on the last occasion attempting a medical management to avoid further surgery. And now to reward us for our planning and dutiful waiting until we were in a strong place emotionally and financially, we have a molar pregnancy to add into the mix. This brings with it a six month wait to try and conceive and up to a 15% chance of further complications (including cancer treatment) as a result of the molar pregnancy. Thanks universe you definitely know how to kick a girl when she’s down!