Still, not again

One of the things I love most about blogging is reading other people’s stories and knowing that somewhere out there someone is feeling the same way I do. Having my feelings mirrored by others almost legitimises them. When I’m giving myself a hard time for not being ‘over it’ yet and feeling like I’m being too indulgent with my grief, to read that someone else is feeling the same way makes me realise that I’m not alone and that it’s ok to be sad or jealous or angry or whatever other emotion I’m feeling at the time.

I’ve been reading The Second Bedroom blog for a while and sadly the blogger suffered a miscarriage at a similar time to our last one. They are currently taking a bit of a break to recover from that loss and she recently wrote a post which really resonated with me. It was about being jealous of other people’s pregnancies (something I’m definitely guilty of) and there was one particular line in her blog which hit me so hard it look my breath:

“I don’t want to be pregnant again, I want to be pregnant still.”

4 thoughts on “Still, not again

  1. That totally resonates with me too. Your whole post does. It’s a real comfort to find people who know how you feel, who don’t sugar coat things because they don’t really understand. To know that when we feel broken, low and hopeless, there’s a whole community standing by our side giving us the support we need to face the day.

    Oh to be “still” and not terrified of never being “again”.

  2. Oh yes, I can definitely relate to wanting to be pregnant “still”. After I lost mine, I thought that so many times. Now I’m thinking, “I should have a newborn now, but I don’t.” Never feel guilty about how long it takes to grieve. I wrote a similar blog not too long ago about how God understands our pain, and doesn’t give us a time limit on when and how long we grieve. Take as long as you need, even if you’re never completely over it. **HUGS**

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