Trying, trying and trying some more to conceive

This is our first month of TTC since I last got a BFP in October (which ended in our third miscarriage in December). Whilst that might not seem very long, I was very keen to try again and hated the months of waiting for the molar pregnancy testing to be complete. Through this whole process I’ve come to realise that I like to be seriously proactive (or should that be a control freak??). I need to know what the plan is and what I can do to increase our chances. Having a plan helps me feel more in control.

As it is our first month back TTC I decided that we would take a relaxed approach. I realise now that I was just deluding myself. To achieve this ‘relaxation’ I decided that I wouldn’t use OPKs and would simply have sex when we felt like it and try to have a more concentrated effort around my ‘fertile window’. The problem with this is that after having screwed up hormones for months, I don’t really know when that window is. This means that the ‘My Days’ app has identified an almost two week window for TTC and because I’m a bit of a control freak and paranoid about missing ovulation, I don’t feel content to limit sex to every 2-3 days during this time. This means that we have had sex five times in the last six days and I have mentally scheduled ‘sexy time’ every day until Monday! My poor husband. If we’re not successful this month I think he’s going to be forcing me to get the OPKs out next month!

Because I’m super relaxed about this cycle (ha!) I am now finding myself becoming paranoid about ruining the boy’s sperm quality (and thus our chances this month) by having sex too regularly. The problem is Dr Google won’t give me a consistent answer. When TTC can you have too much sex? If yes, how much is too much and what can you do to increase your chances of getting a BFP? Any ideas ladies? Despite it apparently being nothing but an old wives tale, I already spend 30 mins post sex with a pillow propping my bottom up ‘soaking’ as my husband calls it to try to give the sperm a helping hand in the right direction. So I’ll pretty much try anything which could improve our chances of seeing a BFP!

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16 thoughts on “Trying, trying and trying some more to conceive

    • Thank you. We haven’t had any tests yet but I’m hoping that three pregnancies in 12 months means there are no sperm issues (other than perhaps chromosomal ones). I think because I have little faith in pregnancy 4 being successful I hate the thought of having to wait months to even get pregnant when the odds of keeping it seem so rubbish.

  1. Our doctor also told us if there is nothing wrong with sperm count everyday is fine. He recommends (after I do the trigger shot) to have sex everyday for 3 days. I figure it must work if he’s been practicing for over 30 years and he says it.

    • Thank you. If this month doesn’t work out I think I’m going back to OPKs next month. It seems easier when I at least know when/if I ovulated rather than the current guess work.

  2. As the previous comment said, as long as he has a good sperm count, sex every day will not harm his supply. Stamina is another thing! I know how you feel. For many cycles, I tried the relaxed-but-not-really approach of sex every other day. It wore us both out. But I couldn’t risk whenever-the-mood-strikes sex, because we might have missed our fertile window altogether. It’s so hard to find a balance. I read somewhere that when you have a healthy sperm count, there’s not much difference between every day and every other day with regards to outcome. So, don’t stress yourself out too much with every day. Good luck!

    • Thank you. We haven’t had any tests yet but I’m hoping that three pregnancies in 12 months means there are no sperm issues (other than perhaps chromosomal ones). I think because I have little faith in pregnancy 4 being successful I hate the thought of having to wait months to even get pregnant when the odds of keeping it seem so rubbish. But I’m trying to keep the faith that we will have a successful pregnancy eventually.

  3. The ladies above seem to have answered your question, but if you’re super worried about it, you could try the “sperm meets egg” approach (if this cycle doesn’t work out.) I’ve only read about it on other blogs, so don’t quote me 100%, but I believe you start taking OPKs around CD8 and have sex every other day until you get a +OPK, then have sex two days afterwards, skip a day, then one last day. Maybe that way you’ll feel like you have a set plan in place that doesn’t make your jump your husband every night. Good luck, I hope you won’t need to think about another cycle!

    • Thank you. I’ve never heard of the sperm meets egg approach but it sounds like just the thing I need. A clear plan for when to TTC to help me feel in control of what we’re doing. If this month doesn’t work out I’m going to try this approach next cycle.

  4. My doc says 24 hours is plenty of time if there isn’t a fertility issue. I’ve also read that it’s like getting a hair cut-just because you cut some off the rest doesn’t fall out, so allegedly they have enough stored up for plenty of go rounds…

    • Thanks. I have a strange image now of the boy’s balls being full of hair balls like the ones cats throw up. Hopefully I’ll be able to kill this thought before tomorrow’s baby making session or the whole thing might be called off!

  5. I’m thrilled for you that you’re trying again! I gave a lot of thought to this too when we were trying so hard to conceive again and I wanted it so badly. I think what ended up working well for us was sex every other day during our week window, until the 2-3 day ovulation window where we had sex everyday. For what it’s worth, my intuition tells me that both times I got pregnant it was by having sex the day before ovulation, regardless of how things fell into place the rest of that week. Looking back at patterns on various months, it seems like that was the case. But I know it’s different for everyone and you can’t really know for sure. I just have this inkling that was it. Hope you get your BFP!

    • Thank you. Im sure I’ll be more chilled next month if this one doesn’t work out it just feels so long since I’ve been able to do anything ‘productive’ towards having a baby that I feel the pressure to make it count.

  6. I believe (same as Aislinn) that the SMEP (sperm meets egg plan) is a good way to approach it, as I tried having sex every day for a couple of months and it was exhausting for both of us. But to each their own! Best wishes! XO

    • Thank you. I’ve never heard of the sperm meets egg approach but it sounds like just the thing I need. A clear plan for when to TTC to help me feel in control of what w’re doing. If this month doesn’t work out I’m going to try this approach next cycle.

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