Definition of insanity

If the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results then I deserve to be given a straight jacket now. I’m might not ‘expect’ a different result but I’m certainly hopeful.

We have a scan booked for Thursday morning and I’m finding that all the feelings I had in December just before our last early scan (which showed blighted ovum and was eventually diagnosed as molar pregnancy). I’ve just re-read my post from back then and it perfectly describes the emotions I’m experiencing now:

“One minute I think this pregnancy is going well, the next I’m sure it’s all over. We’ve got a scan booked for [Thursday] so, unless it’s inconclusive, by the time I go to bed [Thursday] night I’ll know one way or the other. The problem is, as much as I want to know, I think I only want to know if it’s good news. As much as I worry, I enjoy being pregnant and I’m not ready for it to be over. I’m not thinking very much about having a baby this time, I’m trying to take each day one step at a time. But whilst I’m pregnant there is hope and I don’t want to give that up yet. I know that it will come back again with time but I’m scared of the sadness that will come if the scan is bad news. Currently life in our house is happy (apprehensive, but happy) and yet I know that could all change and the crushing sadness, tears and fear about the future will be back. I’m not ready for that yet and certainly don’t want to let those feeling in any sooner than I have to”

I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything more than I want this pregnancy to be successful.

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12 thoughts on “Definition of insanity

  1. I know exactly how are you are feeling. It’s terrifying but you’re right; as long as you are pregnant there is hope. Massive good luck for Thursday!

  2. Yup, we keep repeating the same thing over and over but MUST expect different from results! I also have my first ultrasound scheduled for Thursday…hopefully it is an auspicious day! I’ll be thinking of you.

  3. Yes. This. I think this post is such a great representation of how this journey feels. I hear you lady. Keeping you in my thoughts! Positive vibes coming at you!!

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